Let's Talk about MESS, Baby!

Here we go, a blog post… do I know how to blog? NO! And does that matter? NO! Because today, I am 28 days sober after heavily relying on cannabis for the last decade, but using for a full 22 years. And I am a huge supporter of marijuana and all of the health benefits associated with it, so know that the point of this post is not to judge in any way.

In 2020, when Covid hit, I was home day in and day out and dealing with loss after loss after loss. I’ve always felt my emotions, and felt them fully…or so I thought. Until I realized I was truly only feeling about 90% of them, and then the rest I was simply smoking away and brushing under the rug so to speak. I used weed heavily in 2020 to calm myself, to relax and honestly, I used to it pass the time. It helped with my appetite, helped with anxiety and helped me fall asleep at night. But, as the year came to an end, I realized something big: I NO LONGER FELT GOOD WHEN I SMOKED POT! I also needed a lot more product in order to “feel anything.” In 2021, just 28 days ago, I made the conscious decision to clean my closet, and by that I mean remove substances/ coping mechanisms from my life in order to fully process and heal my past traumas. It hasn’t been a pretty 28 days and in fact, it has felt super lonely, messy, intense, and loaded with all of the feels. But healing is messy and it isn’t linear. I have my eye on the prize and truly believe this is the right step for me to release what has been holding me back. I know healing is a forever process, and I also know that i’ve done a lot of projecting my unhealed wounds onto others in various relationships.

Long story short, the time is now for me to clean out my closet and reorganize, remove the clutter, and make room for a brighter, bolder and more present ME. Will I ever use cannabis again, perhaps here and there, but after the extensive use in 2020, I just need this time to focus and reground. Curious how I got started? In need of support? Reach out and i’ll be happy to share. After all, “We’re all just walking each other home.” - Ram Dass

May We All Be SAFE, HAPPY, HEALTHY AND LIVE FREE AND AT EASE

With Love,

Robyn aka FreespiritROC